Best & Worst Fencing Hits

photo credit Kim Kellett

Is there one hit, one point, that stands out amongst the thousands you've made? A split second victory that brings a smile to your face when you think about it?

I have two such moments — so far.

And what about those hits that made you cringe and apologize profusely?

I remember each of my two favourite points for very different reasons.

The first one was at my very first tournament. It rings supreme in my memory. The tournament was held at a local club. As usual, very few women showed up and I was in a pool of all men. All of them veteran fencers, each with a couple of lifetimes of experience.

I won my first two bouts, then I stepped onto the piste for a third. My opponent was a very arrogant man who thought women shouldn't fence him because it was a waste of his time. The second the referee called "Allez", I lunged forward, straight thrust, no parry, and landed a most glorious, (not to brag, but), fabulous hit centre chest. I saw his face through his mask and I have to admit, I was a little fearful. His next two hits on me were hard slaps, off target. Then we got back to fencing. He won the bout 5-3, but the look of shock on his face when I first hit him, will be with me forever!

My second best hit was against Eleanor Harvey, who recently won the a silver metal at the Fencing Junior World Championships.

The memory of this hit makes me smile because it puts me in a very elite group of fencers. There are not many out there that can brag they got a point on Eleanor Harvey!

When I first met her at the club, I had no idea who she was (dah) and asked her if she wanted to fence. She graciously, without hesitation, picked up her sword and mask. 

She's a lefty with a unique style of fencing and I'm positive she could have trounced me in 5 seconds — a point a second. To her credit, she let me try some moves and at one point when someone distracted her, I hit her. I know this sounds impossible, but I made a hit on Eleanor Harvey! Okay, she was looking the opposite way when it happened...

My worst hit was three weeks ago against a very tall teenager. I'm almost six feet tall and I had to crane my neck to look up at him. He was lanky and flopped about like most new fencers do.

The boy kept aiming high, so on his lunge I ducked. As I ducked, the tip of my sword caught him square in the crotch on an upward thrust while he ploughed into it on a downward lunge. I don't think I have to go into any more details here, suffice it to say, he may never have children.

I apologized and then left him to his agony.

Fencing, like any contact sport, will have its share of good and bad hits. When someone makes a point on me that I know they will remember for a long time to come, I laugh and remember — it's just a game!

I am, therefore I fence.

KK

Pirate on the Piste

Every fencing club has one. 

The pseudo Pirate.

Easily recognized by:

• a jaunty head bandana
• shoulder length hair
• a pompous, excessively swishy salute
• an eye patch stashed in their gear bag

When a new pirate arrives at the club, I try to remember: To each, his own. They are entitled to the fantasy that brought them to fencing.

The trouble with an untamed pirate is the physical pain they inflict on club members.

Their foil flails like a sabre and they constantly forget what is off-target. It's akin to playing high school field hockey with the nasty girls — your shins are scared for life.

Pirates also have a tendency to jump about the piste. A simple lunge is far too mundane. They have to re-enact leaping from quarter deck to main deck while simultaneously yelling, "I am the Dread Pirate Roberts."


There are some coaches who can tame pirates. It's not an easy task, best left to those with a large pirate vocabulary. Club members are advised to be patient and invest in some soccer shin guards. Better to be safe and get neck and arm guards too.

Unfortunately, some pirates are never housebroken. Most of these rogues eventually move on, having gained enough fencing knowledge to cosplay effectively when Comic Con is in town. Those who can't be tamed but continue attending the club should be steered towards historical fencing - much more suited to their wild swash buckling fantasies and need of costumes.

The best way to deal with a pirate who stays with the club, but refuses to be tamed, is to fence him/her on their terms. Fence like he/she fences — slash, swat jab, jump and yell pirate quotes. Give it back to them in the best movie swordplay you can muster. When they ask what you are doing, tell them, "Ya scurvy scallywag, I'm goin ta go on account and measure ya fer chains." I've been assured that this is nasty but not rude. Any true pirate would get the meaning.

There are no guarantees with pirates. This approach may only encourage their black heart behaviour. If it does, the final option is to sew a stuffed parrot to the shoulder of your fencing jacket, swap out your club crest with this one:

And hang a warning sign on the club door, for landlubbers:

  

I am, therefore I fence.

KK